Unless you’re a serial killer.” - Ellen DeGeneres “People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.” - Betty White."Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves." - Albert Einstein.“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.” - George Burns.The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two.” - Sir Norman Wisdom “As you get older, three things happen.“A good rule to remember for life is that when it comes to plastic surgery and sushi, never be attracted by a bargain.” - Graham Norton.“The only thing that separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize.” - Claire Belcher (Olivia Dukakis), Steel Magnolias.“Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?” - Robin Williams.“If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” - Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey), Ace Ventura: Pet Detective.The people who need it most never use it.” - Anonymous “Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’” - Steven Wright.I wake up in the morning and say, ‘I don’t know, should I have a popsicle or a donut?’ You know, who knows?” - Oscar Nunez Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” - Groucho Marx “Outside of a dog, a book is man’s best friend.Then by all means follow that path.” - Ellen DeGeneres Unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path. I'm just going to ask where they're going and hook up with ’em later." - Mitch Hedberg
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